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Contact: info@pawnofclubs.com

I recently finished college out in California, where I got a B.A. in B.S. and a B.S. in C.S. (a dual degree in English and Computer Science). I enjoy swing dance, ultimate frisbee, reading, writing, hiking, biking....thrilling and unusual hobbies all, I'm sure.

More about me: I don't like piña coladas, but I do like getting caught in the rain. I can make 30-minute brownies, but it takes me an hour. Darth Vader calls me father. Earth calls me mother. I used to be the walrus. I can travel at the speed of dark. I deliver baby storks to their mothers. I killed Schroedinger's cat. (I am curiosity incarnate. I let the cat out of the bag, but there wasn't enough room to swing it.) I have drunk bottled water far past the "use by" date and lived to tell the tale. (It was still less thick than blood.) I fully expect the Spanish Inquisition. I intend to get a ticket for breaking Murphy's Law. I know where Waldo is, but I'm still looking for Carmen Sandiego. I know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I know how many roads a man must walk down. I know where missing socks go. I know how much wood a woodchuck chucks. I don't know why the chicken crossed the road. (Nobody knows why the chicken crossed the road. Those who claim to know are lying.) I don't know who shot JR. I don't know who John Galt is and I don't want to. I don't know Victoria's secret, but I fully intend to learn it. For now, I can read it like alphabet soup. I don't know who let the dogs out. I knew the meaning of life once, but I forgot it. I have been where the wild things are. I have wrestled the Loch Ness monster, played chess with the Sasquatch, and yodeled with the aliens in Area 51. I slew the Jabberwock. I have fallen in the forest when no one was around to hear me. I stole the cookies from the cookie jar. I have French kissed a French fry. I know that what's all Greek to me is all Chinese to a Latvian, but I don't know what the Chinese call their good plates. I have been given the third degree by the fifth wheel. I have tasted a rainbow; it tasted nothing like Skittles. I have stopped at the end of a non-stop flight. I'm careful always to counter pasta with a good antipasto. I have watched a pot boil and spoiled the broth all on my own. I have counted aloud to sheep until I put them to sleep. I've noticed that gift horses usually need dental work. I cross my i's and dot my t's. My p's and q's can do what they want to; I don't mind. I fully expect to inherit the earth.

Typing this is taking too long. I'm off to find a million monkeys to see if they'll write the rest for me.

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